Fabio and Ze Bet
by Living.By.Will
Summary: Fabio aka Draco Malfoy does not back down from a bet. Ever... not even for *gulp* mudbloods and sparkly rhinestones.
1. Ze Prologue

**AN: This story-ish thing has been written by two people (This Losing and .Will.) who have known each other for a heck of a looooooong time, so ignore the varying sentence structure and other so-called randomness.**

**Disclaimer: Neither one of us are JKR, and if she was… well I would be holding her hostage till she made more books, then I would pawn them off as my own so I could get my own fricken mansion. We aren't Stephanie Meyer either... although a battle-royal between the two would be awesome. JKR would totally kick some arse! Nor Joss Whedon, or anyone else remotely famous/recognizable.**

ON WITH THE STORY!

"Once there was a boy… (dun dun dun…)

He was kind of an idiot, but we'll get to that later.

We start this horribly in-joke story with said boy in the Slytherin common room."

Prologue

Blaise sat in the common room waiting for anyone remotely interesting. It was a slow night, lacking any sense of entertainment. The fire was crackling but that's not very interesting, is it? There were few people in the room, but the ones that were present were squealing like pigs about the new perfect, sparkly, dazzling, alluring (what did he just think alluring??), et cetera et cetera exchange student from Beauxbatons, Edward something-or-other. (This is Stephanie Meyer u can tell by our overuse of big adjectively wordssss). So absolutely nothing was happening, if we haven't sufficiently covered that already. It was just when Blaise was considering turning his wand on himself that Draco Malfoy sauntered through the mysteriously unknown entrance to Slytherin, smirking.

"I am the great Fabio! No mere mortal girl can resist my dashingly good looks!"

Now Blaise was wondering about Draco's sanity. Who the heck was Fabio anyway?

"Umm?" Blaise questioned, no longer suicidal.

"I have conquered the beast! She was hard to break, but I finally got her wrapped around my finger." Blaise rolled his eyes at this statement, muttering something resembling conceited peroxide-head. Right about then he fell into an unfortunate bout of coughing.

"Jealous much?" Draco teased.

"Jealous," Blaise smiled, mulling this over, liking the sound. Draco knew his friend was slow to anger, so when his eyes immediately brightened he took a step back.

"What are you thinking, Zambini?" he asked a little wary.

"So Fabio, no mere mortal can resist you? Would you care to place a bet on that?" Blaise's eyes glinted sending shivers down Draco's normally _irresistible_ spine.

**pause we're making green mustaches now!**

"I say, bring it on Be-otch. Name your terms." This was exactly what Blaise's temporarily insane mind longed to hear.

"Excellent..." Things were definitely looking up for Blaise in the entertainment department.

**AN: No, we aren't on crack.... Sugar yes. It is still legal in most states. Peace Out!**

**Oh... and please review. Criticsm is welcome, but flames will be happily sent back or refunded for chocolate cookies for the good reviewers. Be warned, we know where you type. Haha paranoia paranoia everybodys commin ta get me...**

**But really, this will have a plot, we just have to give the bunny carrots! **

**~LBW and This Losing~**


	2. The GMC

**AN: Here's the first official chapter of Fabio and Ze Bet!**

**I hope you all enjoy the coming randomness and insanity. Hold onto your hats ladies! Gentlemen, just let it fly.**

**Disclaimer: We don't own anything. I don't even own the keyboard I type on! There are references to inside jokes, gum factories, and the Green Mustache Club. If you would like to join said club, just give one of us (This Losing or .Will.) a PM and acquire a mustache (or sideburns) of the green variety.**

Chapter 1: The GMC

_Blaise named the terms and Fabio/Draco couldn't back down, for his pride was on the line. *dramatic hair flip*_

"When are we having our next green mustache meeting?" Ron whined as quietly as he could to Harry in potions the next day. Snape wondered if they were speaking in some kind of code for the D.A.

"Vapid spineless idiots," he muttered (beat that S.M.). Harry was about to respond but was spectacularly interrupted by the door bursting open in a cloud of smog, revealing a very sparkly creature. No, it wasn't the perfect, sparkly, dazzling, alluring foreign exchange student Edward Something-or-other. Alas, it was Draco Malfoy, sauntering in swishing his manly hips from side to side in a girlish fashion with a new entirely rhinestoned wardrobe. Merlin help the poor folk.

There was complete and utter shock throughout the room. Nobody dared to move and a few even forgot to breathe. Snape, who always had a secret soft spot for Draco, his godson, finally managed to string a few thoughts together. One was WTF? Another was, damn, he still looks hot. After those explicatives, he managed to say,

"You're late, Mr. Malfoy. Just, just get out of my sight." Snape managed a disgusted look before turning back to the blackboard, trying to remember what he was teaching a moment ago. Frowning, Draco turned back and out the door. How was he supposed to woo the-know-it-all if he wasn't even in class? Curse Blaise and his stupid bet…

"_The terms are as follows," he heard Blaise sadistically say in his mind. _

"_One, you must rhinestone your entire wardrobe. No exceptions, even your tidy-whiteys. Two, you must woo her with your mad dancing skills..." _

_"Her, dance, what??" Draco asked incredulously._

_"I'll get to that in a minute! But dance you shall. Dance puppet dance!" Draco was unsure of Blaise's sanity at this point, for he was making erratic hand motions and his eyes were brighter than normal, but Draco's _pride_ was on the line. Boy couldn't do without his pride… _

Draco stopped midstep. He would win this bet and he'd be damned if he was going to be stopped by his godfather or anyone else for that matter. Turning around, he marched/sauntered right back into potions creating another sparkly scene.

Hermione had returned to pouring over her books after the rather obnoxiously-glittered Malfoy had rudely interrupted her studies.

"Green mustache meeting must commence immediately!" Harry not-so-much whispered. Harry pulled a piece of tape with a poorly drawn 'stache and applied it to his face, Ron mimicking his actions. They then turned their attentions to Hermione who tried in vain to ignore them.

"'Mione, where's your 'stache?" Ron twitched excitedly. She was about to go into a rather lengthy explanation of why the Green Mustache Club was in fact very, very childish when Malfoy burst into the room for the second time that morning.

"Professor Snape, sir?" The man turned around irritatingly slowly.

"I thought I told you to leave, Monsieur Malfoy."

"You never told me where to go, sir." the cheeky boy responded innocently.

"You sassy boy, you."

The class turned to blatantly stare at Snape. Who the heck was this imposter and where was the real greasy professor. The cranky one that always seemed constipated.

"Excuse me, professor?" Hermione said, turning some of the attention to her.

"What, you insolent girl?" Hermione turned a shade of red at his livid tone, but continued nonetheless.

"Are you feeling alright, sir?" she timidly inquired.

The next spectacle could only be described as a person internally combusting. There was no spewing or projectiles, but it sure wasn't pretty. Snape turned a perplexing shade of green, almost like Harry's mustache. Then he let out a swoop of air and fell face flat on the hard unidentifiable floor. It would later be determined that the professor actually broke his nose. Poor, poor Snapey. 

"So, uhhh, what do we do with the body?" Ron asked with a morally wrong sense of relief.

"He's not dead, you imbecile." Draco said. He had experienced Snape's rather gruesome implosions before, and knew how to deal with it. He strolled calmly over to Snape's lifeless-appearing body and kneeled down.

"Who's gonna help me carry him." Unsurprisingly no one volunteered. He glanced at everyone around the room and stopped at Hermione.

"Granger, you started this. Grab his legs." the blond haired boy craftily ordered. Hermione was in such a state of shock at the sight of seeing a teacher snap that she completely ignored the fact that Malfoy was her enemy and picked up the Slytherin professor. After the two were out the door and down the hall headed towards the infirmary, Ron piped up,

"Hey Harry?"

"Yes old buddy old pal?"

"How many people does it take to carry a man with magic?"

Harry turned to Ron and turned paled slightly in realization.

"One."

**AN: Dun Dun Dun! Look a cliffhanger!!!!! We _are_ capable writers!**

**Please read and review… it would be greatly appreciated and we could give you cookies. Or stale gum. Whatever floats your boat.**

**~LBW~**

**It is important to note that it is indeed 4 in the fricken morning and we're a teensy bit slap happy and we think the plot bunny ran away. We're still looking so no worries.**

**~This Losing~**


	3. From the Abysmal Shadows

**AN: We're not trying to offend anyone so…there**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter, Twilight, Scooby Doo, or anything else. We don't even own the plot… we used to but it ran off when it found out how badly we were going to butcher it.**

Chapter 2: From the Abysmal Shadows

As Draco and Hermione half dragged the unconscious Snape through the dark and dreary hallway, Draco began to formulate his wooing of the aforementioned girl.

"So Granger, what are your plans for ze weekend?" He subtly inquired with a slight Italian accent. The girl in question suddenly snapped out of her shocked state of mind, giving a disgusted look to Malfoy.

"Don't make me bite you with my green mustache." She mumbled angrily, whipping a taped green mustache onto her face. Draco shot her a puzzled look. All he knew about Hermione was that **1.** She was an insufferable know-it-all. Memories of third year came crashing back and his jaw started to sting a bit. **2.** She had a great right hook too. _Could she also be insane?_

"Excuse me?" Draco finally asked.

"Oh, shut up ferret-boy." Coming to the realization that Malfoy managed to con her into carrying the dead-weight professor, she grew infuriated.

"I believe my name is Fabio, not your so-called ferret boy." He stated smugly with a dramatic hair flip. Hermione rolled her deep chocolaty eyes, thinking of a spell to levitate Snape's body.

"_Wingardium Leviosa." _Snape's body rose promptly hitting a suit of shining armour, crashing to the floor.

"Oh, well done, Granger. Are you trying to kill him?" That actually didn't sound like a bad idea. Draco had to resist the urge to take his own wand and run Snape repeatedly into the nearest blunt object.

"So Granger… you never answered my inquiry about your weekend." She just gave him a look as she tried to steer the professor up the stairs.

"I was thinking-"

"That's a minor improvement." He continued on as if she hadn't spoken.

"- you and I could-"

"Woah there, you ahead cease! Hail Ceasar Emporor of Rum"

"Huh?" two heads swiviled around completely defensless against the perfect, sparkly, dazzling, alurring, etc. etc. creature of the night strolling towards them from the deep abyss (shadows).

"Might I trouble you for a spoon?" the creature's perfect English baffled Hermione, and she was struck speechless. Draco looked sidelong at her and saw the look on her face. _NO!_ he thought, _No one steals Fabio's intended conquer!_

"There will be no spooning!!!" Snape roared from his position on the floor. Everyone stopped to look down at the greasy old man, who immediately fell unconscious…again. The three just kind of shrugged it off and returned to the question of spoons. But alas the trance had been broken and what stepped out of the shadows could only later be described as Voldie's return.

"You look familiar…hasn't Harry killed you already?" Hermione politely asked.

"I am immortal, you fool. Now I asked you for a spoon!" The creature's manners vanished. Hermione was taken aback, involuntarily taking a step back into Draco's dashingly new rhinestoned robes. He was startled at first, but then sneakily wrapped his muscled 'guns' around her waist.

"You're the most powerful witch of your era, do something." He huskily hissed into her ear. Edvard was stalking the two with his topaz eyes, wishing he had his girlfriend next to him.

"MarySue, where are you?" the creature shouted longingly into the night. _There was something wrong with that sparkly fiend._

"On the count of four, run."

"That's the best you've got, Granger?"

"I don't have time for an elaborate scheme!"

"Fine."

"Fine."

"One."

"Vait, vhat? Vhere are you going? I just vant a spoon!" Edvard's perfect english forgotten.

"Two."

"Vait!!! No don't leave!! Everybody leaves me..everything I touch dies!! I miss my MarySue!!"

"Screw it. FOUR!" They took off at lighning speed down the hallway, leaving the unconsious professor vunerable to Edvard's ghostly pallor and shiny hair.

"But… but… but I never got my spoon! A spork would work too…" he called in desperation after the two students. "Hope is lost. I shall stay in this purgatory without spoons and my MarySue for all eternity. Screw this immortality shit."

Edvard fell gracelessly to the floor and curled up into a ball, wishing he could cry his feelings. But alas he had no tearducts. 

**AN: This was a lot of fun to write and we're not quite sure if it makes sense, and yes we're still looking for the plot bunny. He evades us with vigor.**

**Please review! It would make our sleep-deprived day sooooo much better!**

**~This Losing and LivingByWill~**


	4. The Elusive Bunny of Dust

**Authors Note: Well, we aren't dead, contrary to popular belief. We just took a little break. Searching for the elusive plot bunny is tiring….**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing! Stop making us say it. **

Chapter 3: The Elusive Bunny of Dust

Edvard didn't hear the footsteps of the approaching figure as he was trying to evolve tear ducts so he could shed his unshed-able tears, when a hand reached down to stroke his shiny hair.

"Mary Sue? Is it really you, my lovely lamb?!? "

"Forget about Mary Sue, Edvard. There's better for you and it's right here."

Edvard looked up into the eyes that mirrored his own, hope shining in them.

"I…..I don't…but…," Edvard stuttered, something the paragon of perfection had never been capable of doing. Suddenly the other pulled Edvard up into a fervent kiss, which Edvard hesitantly returned. This stranger really did smell good, kind of like honey in the rain.

(Still in Potions)

"Ronald!! We must devise a plan to save Hermione from the devious ferret!"

"Harry!" A panicked Ron mumbled, ignoring Harry's previous outburst.

"Yesh, my side kick?" Harry had all but forgotten Hermione by now.

"When I move my mustache it tries to eat meh face!!"

"Well I'm so unmanly, my mustache keeps falling off!!" Harry unstably squealed back, trying to one up Ronald (as the insecure leader must always do to exhibit his clearly superior power).

Everyone turned to stare at the Boy-Who'd-Recently-Gone-Crazily-Insane. He must have taken a few too many blows to the head.

"Everything alright, Harry?" said a Hufflepuff sitting at a nearby table. The boy in question looked around frantically, apparently thinking someone was after him and his 'stache.

"AhhhhhhEiiii!!!!!" It sounded like the mating call of a dying wildebeest. And the next thing everybody knew Harry was attacking a dust bunny on the floor by his overturned chair.

"Rawr, you evil fiend!"

Suddenly Hermione and Draco burst back into the story, slightly out of breath.

"Harry! Voldemort is –gasp- back!"

Harry stood petting his tamed bunny of dust feeling quite accomplished. _People just don't die like they used to. The dust bunny will protect me!_

"Potter, what the devil are you doing?" Draco sneered.

"Pettin' my bunny. What are youuuuuuuu doin'? " Draco wouldn't dignify that with a response. He was too busy wondering where the rest of Potter's marbles had rolled away to.

"Harry this isn't the time for games! Voldemort is back!" And with that she simultaneously ripped off both Harry and Ron's sorry excuses for mustaches. Their sanity almost instantaneously returned.

"Well, off we go then." Harry set off making his way to the door.

"Where are we going Harry?" a confused Ronald asked.

"Why, to defeat Voldemort of course! You silly little sidekick, it appears we can't kill anybody like we used to." Ronald contemplated this, and then promptly nodded and followed his fearless leader.

"Hey Harry?"

"Yes Ronald?" He said, stopping outside the door.

"Where is he?" Harry looked from his measly sidekick to Hermione.

"Take a left, Harry dear." Hermione said condescendingly. Boy may be a hero, but he would never ask for directions.

"Hey, what about me!" Draco hissed nonchalantly. It would seem that the trio forgot about their rhinestoned foe in all the bickering.

"What about you?" Hermione asked.

"I am the great Fabio!"

"Uhhhhuh….And what useful skills does that entail?"

"Um…my charms and dashingly good looks will distract the foe rendering them useless?" Hermione shrugged. It couldn't get worse if he was there and happened to get in the way of a hex or deformation spell.

"Eh, why not."

And so the trio plus one ran gallantly down the hallway, Baywatch style, in search of the Voldemort-look-a-like that inquired for a spoon. When they reached the corridor where they had left the unconscious Snape (oops! We forgot about him **=(** ) and the emo Edvard. But what did they come across? No, not Voldemort back from the dead. No, not a sparkly, prancing unicorn. And no, not a basket of biscuits. It was………………..

**A/N: Can you guess who was with Edvard?? Do you really even care??**

**Please, for the love of holy objects, send us a review, or hatemail, or something!!!!**

**Any ideas for future chapters are indeed welcome!**

**Ah!! We're on to the plot bunny we are subtly getting back on track! We're sorry it's not as funny as the 3****rd**** one. We're a bit tired, and the muse has left the vicinity. Actually, it ran out of here screaming bloody murder when it found out we were planning on updating.**

**Peace out, and good night/morning!**


	5. Evards Super Special Sparkly Secret

**Disclaimer- haha right, oh and thanks to all those cheesy pickup line dot coms and what not. Much love to all our (coughcough*very few* cough cough) reviewers! They are very much appreciated and help us in our random tandems. Yeah that's right; we're totally capable of rhyming… The plot bunny is still evading us, but we have set up some traps for it. Don't worry they are humane traps! We wouldn't accept anything different. ANYhoo, we hope you enjoy another installment of this slightly demented, yet very imaginative story thingamabob. *claps hands and does a little Vanna White impersonation***

______________________________________________________

The trio plus one ran into the newly formed couple. And gasped and then fell over..it was…it was…Edvard and…and Cedric..Diggory? Le Gaspé!!!!

"I'm such a sick masochistic lion! And I didn't tell you my most secret of secrets ever. We've been together for such a short time, but I feel like I connect with you…," Edvard admitted to his newly found love (Cedric).

"What haven't you told me?!?!?!" accusation clear in Cedric's oh so deeply woodchipped/ chocolately eyes.

"I-uh-I've been lying to you…but I must protect you from myself…," Edvard replied again somewhat more crazily.

"What?" Cedric asked in a slightly higher octave than before.

"I must p. r. o. t. e. c. t. you from m. y. s. e. l. f." Edvard all but spelled out for his lover's ears (and eyes).

"Before that about the, uh, secret" Cedric attempted to redirect the spazzing Edvard.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile…. Back to the trio plus one! Actually it's just the duo plus one. (It's not as catchy is it?) Harry decided he wanted to stay and oogle at the quarreling lovers. Ron, Hermione, and Draco were aimlessly wandering away from the confounded lovers. Hermione was starting to wonder why Malfoy was still with them and were Harry was.

"So Hermione…" Draco moved as close as he could to Hermione and stared at her lips. "Can you feel it?" he asked seductively. She looked at him strangely _why was he invading her bubble and why was his voice all strange and un-ferret like?_

"Feel what?" she asked apprehensively.

"There's some kinda sexual attraction between us. Can you feel it too?" His usually cold daggered eyes held a spark of whimsical hope. She was taken aback…Her and Draco..Draco and her….She did the only thing that onlookers and Ron would understand. She jerked her right arm backwards and smashed it into his porcelain jaw.

*Whack*

His reared back ready to hit her as well _–What the hell?? He'd only asked her a very simple question. Sheesh why were women so…so damn difficult?_ Slowly he lowered his arm; Fabio hit no dames! He must woo the difficult lass. So he settled on rubbing his jaw with puppy dog eyes. Ron, all the while, had been stroking his freshly applied mustache. These were interesting developments, you see. Not to be taken lightly, so intellectually he felt the best way to ease the tension would be to laugh. So he did (laugh I mean).

"P-shaw you and Hermione? L-O-L!" Ron laughed, again at the clearly ridiculous notion.

"P-shaw? What's that supposed to mean, Punk?" Hermione was, needless to say, offended at Ronald's words. She promptly turned back to the injured and sparkly Draco. "I would love to go on a… date with you Draco." It hurt to say it. It really did.

Draco smirked, suppressing a victory dance, in all of his rhinestoned glory. The girls come to Fabio, the stud muffin. Already she had stumbled into his glorious master plan *muhaha*.

Ron just spluttered incoherently, _he was a benevolent force he meant no harm_. Being completely incoherent he yelled-

"I come in peace!" he'd thought he was still talking in his head. Hermione just stared. _What kind of drugs was he taking now?_

"Are you alright Ronald?" the bushy brunette asked tentatively.

"Blarfenengen…….mumblemumble."

"I'm gonna take that as a yes. Let's go Granger." Draco all but dragged her away, before she got the chance to change her mind.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Ron was left watching the happy couple all but skip merrily away. Ron was sad. Terribly, undeniably, utterly anguished. But then! *Enter MarySue* She tripped into his life and asked…

"Have any use for a martyr? I'm like a stupid sacrificial lamb *tee-hee* and a super-duper-special-one-of-a-kind-snowy-little-snowflake!" Ronald found himself, for the first time, head over heels in LOVE!!!

______________________________________________________________________________________

Back to Cedric and the secretive Edvard............

"I'm not a real vampire, Cedric." Edvard spilled his not so concealed secret.

"I'm a sparkling Fairy Princess," Edvard finally admitted.

------Gasp from the crowd--------

"But…but what about your fangs?" Cedric clearly not grasping the concept stuttered.

"Plastic," Edvard the perfect, sparkly, dazzling, alluring exchange student sleepishly admitted.

__________________________________________________________________________________

**TO BE CONTINUED….dun dun dun…**

**AN: Well, did you like it? Hate it? Revolt in its obscene ways? We hope you liked it enough to review..**

**We would very much value a few new ideas. So if ya wanna send some our way, we would be more than ecstatic!**

**Have a beautiful day!!!!**

**Peace…**

**This Losing and LivingByWill**


	6. The Unadjectivey Date

**A/n: Hello my lovely dears and gents!!!! We have missed you so. Well, except you Stan. I never liked you…. Anyhoo, we UPDATED!!!!!! *Happy dance that is loud and obnoxious* Sorry, the summer got the best of us. And the plot bunny took his family on vacation to southern Peru. How bout them apples?….**

**Disclaimer: Ha..Ha..nope we own nothing but are excited to tell you that we're actually getting back on topic. It's like a Christmas miracle…but in August…**

The Unadjective-y Date =)

Wal*Mart….

Hermione Granger, the smartest witch of her age, found herself staring at the blue and white building of the greatest chain store the world had ever known: Wal*Mart. She had gone all out that very morning for this joke-of-a-date; she'd straightened her hair, and done her make-up, and chose her out fit with great care. Why? She didn't know. But she had, and now she was angry.

"Your idea of a date is going to Wal*Mart?" She asked in a huff.

"Yes, is it not fabulous. I hear the 'muggles' speak of it all the time. So it must be a wonderous place! What fun shall we aquire?" He expectantly inquired ,obviously pleased with this so called 'Wal*Mart'. _He's on drugs...._ That is the only explanation that our dear young witch could come up with. He was smoking something that made his mind wonky.

"You do realize what Wal*Mart is right?" Hermione asked wondering if this was actually a joke or that somebody really needed to brush up on his muggle studies.

"What's wrong with it?" Draco was a bit confused. What was wrong with his choice? He was trying to pick somewhere she'd have heard of, so she'd be more confortable. Maybe something more magically inclined?

"Well for one thi-….You know what, Wal*Mart is a great place for a um..date." Hermione decided making Malfoy squirm might be more entertaining then yelling at him for choosing someplace so obviously stupid for a freaking date.

Draco beamed, part one of his genius plan had worked. He made a move to take her hand to lead her in, but she just looked at him like he was pushing his luck. Well, that was part two…

They walked through the magically sliding doors into the dimly lit store.

"Oh, those! We should get some of those at Hogwarts." He went back outside and walked through them again for kicks. "How do they work? Do they simply open because I am awesome?"

"Yes, Draco," she stressed his name, "that's exactly why they open. You're just so sparkly that they cringe back in fear."

They noticed after a few odd glances and funny looks that they were still in their robes. (Hermione had some bitchin' dress robes) Most normal 'muggles' out on amazing dates to Wally World didn't try to impersonate wizards. Hermione grabbed a bit of Draco's rhinestoned arm and dragged him to the bathrooms.

"The first thing we should do is change" she said. He gave her a sly look.

"Change what?"

*Slap*

After they changed into suitable muggle-ish clothes, Draco asked, "So what do you normally do on a 'muggle' date." He was a little confused, there were so many other people on dates like his… Hermione thought for a moment, "Whatever we want, the goal, meaning the date is good, is to get us kicked out." Draco gave her an odd look, but who was he to argue the courting ways of the non-magical folk?

"So what can we do first?"

Three minutes later we find our tragic heroes in the toy department having an intense magic-free jousting match. Hermione was riding a pony heads pony (heads with the stick thing?) with a plastic sword. While Draco found himself riding a pink tricycle with his weapon of choice…a neon green swimming noodle. They each went to their respective end of the aisle, and then proceeded to charge.

"Andale!!" Hermione shouted with ferociouness.

"Attack!!" Draco roared with gusto.

"Who are you betting on?" asked a Wal*Mart employee to a six year old boy watching with interest.

"The girl with the pony. She looks like she has a lot of pent-up homicidal rage, while the boy simply looks like a shiny ferret." The boy stated surprising the employee with his stunning vocabulary.

"The girl it is!" She did look a bit aggressive.

Hermione would have dominated had she not tripped on a very bright green noodle, thus flailing on surprised, yet pleased Draco. He deftly caught her around her waist. He looked down into her deep eyes, and felt like he was falling, the world disappeared, it was just the two of them, in that moment. And just like that they were…(bleh I can't write romance I quit) _kissing._ The kiss broke too soon as the six year old interrupted, "Ewwwwwwwwww!!!" He then proceeded to run away to find his mommy.

*Cough cough*

Well isn't this awkward…..

The employee that should have been working whistled a merry tune before walking casually away. Not everyday you get to see a jousting tournament and then make out session in the toy aisles of good ol' Wally World.

Draco and Hermione clumsily untangled themselves and stood up.

"So, uhhh, do you want to mess around with the loud speaker?" Hermione said sounding a bit squeaky. Draco nodded, not knowing what else to do, on this date.

A few minutes later you hear a voice resonating throughout the entire store. It tells you that this particular Wal*Mart is closing down, and everything is free to the public. A frenzy of people storm the shelves and proceed to run to the nearest exit. Alarms go off and employees don't understand what's going on. It's beautiful. It really is….

Best date ever dude.

"So..uh..does this count as a successful 'muggle' date?" Draco asked a bit hopefully. His views of the 'muggle' people slightly beginning to change, what could be wrong with people having such fun dates? He couldn't wait until their next 'muggle' outing. If he could just convince her of another one...

**AN: School starts in a few days. Pray for us and our struggling want for freedom of the public education system. **

**This chapter isn't as great as the others..... but we really wanted an update before our arrival to the acursed school. *shudders***

**Good day to you ladies and gents. It's been truly lovely, it has…**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated…hint hint =)**

**~This Losing and .Will.**


	7. Friendly Fire

Chapter 7: Friendly Fire

**Disclaimer: Don't you get the freaking picture by now? We don't own Harry Potter. If we did it wouldn't make sense to anybody but us and there wouldn't have been the multi-million dollar franchise. And Fred wouldn't have died, or Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, Dobby, Georges' ear…and anybody else (or their appendages) who we liked. Also not the owner of Twilight, as it would have also turned out remarkably different. **

We continue our sad, sad little parody of a story with the epic return of… (drumrollz) Blaise!! We find this strapping young man all alone in the cold, dreary, dark Slytherin common room with a most magical opener-of-horizons, a.k.a. the internet. More importantly, . (It would totally be subtle advertising if you weren't already here.)

Well the upside was that he was no longer bored, but now he felt scared for his life. How did these muggles know about him? Why did nobody have any idea what he looked like? Why did they always pair him with Draco? More importantly why was he always on the bottom?? (sorry we're in the gutter this week =( ) WTF? He was outraged. He was a manly macho man and felt no feeling what-so-ever towards the little peroxide headed ferret man, with his stupid muscles and perfect hair and…perfect hair?? _Where'd that come from?? Uh…..crap._

But he found out so much about the golden trio (seriously who coined that?). Who knew Ron was so possessive and couldn't eat with his mouth shut. Harry was *snort* the sensitive one, and Hermione…well we won't talk about any of those 'detailed' accounts.

It was fascinating to see which of his classmates these 'authors' preferred. Ron it seemed was not well liked among the 'fanfictioners'. And why were the people of Hogwarts and whatnot deemed fiction? Was he not real? And what was up with this Draco/Blaise slashiness? Outrage creeping back into his thoughts.

"Hey there, Blaise, old buddy old pal." Draco stopped dead as he saw Blaise scrambling to hide his guilty pleasure (not _that _you dirty minded…person).

"What are you doing?" Draco asked calmly, slowly backing out of the room, just in case.

"What?!! Not _you_! I mean…. Nothing….Hey what are youuu doing?" Blaise cried, blushing like only one other storybook character can: Bella.

"I came to tell you to start paying up. Yours truly went on a date with Hermione...I mean Granger."

"Oh really? Tell me how'd she like those wicked dance moves of yours?"(please refer back to chapter two to review the terms of ze bet, because we had to). Draco blanched. Then he noticed the hidden computer.

"So what've you got there Blaise?"

"Where?" Blaise's voice jumped an octave.

***********************************************************************

And we're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Hogwarts. Well, everyone is a wizard here, so nevermind….

*Cue the epic battle reenactment of the Pirate Ninja vs. Pirate Ninja 2.0*

(Harry is the 2.0 version, because he thinks he should always be superior.)

It 'twas quiet in the Great Hall, save for the clashing of light sabers, which coincidently has nothing to do with pirates OR ninjas. Everyone was entranced by the sight of the two Gryffindors dukeing it out. Nobody knew what they were fighting about, but it was entertainment, and they were simple people. So nobody tried to stop them, they just kind of moved out of their way when necessary.

"RAWR!"

"Ninja Pirates don't say 'rawr' Ron!" scolded Harry. "Take three," he directed.

"Do we have to start over, again?"

"If you continue to get it wrong then yesh…I should totally cut this sidekick lose I wonder how Hermione feels about pirate ninjas?"

"I wouldn't know. I haven't seen her since her date with the…" He was to disgusted to say it aloud. He might have another fit like he did in chapter 5.

"Just take three already." Harry was exasperated, in more ways than one.

Take THREE

The battle was epic. There was a hush over the crowd as the two Gryffindors dueled in a macho light saber brawl. Pirate to pirate. Ninja to ninja. Man to man. Wizard to wizard. It was _awesome_.

"Harry if ima ninja then why can you see me?" Ron asked gingerly (you see the irony?) rubbing the elbow the Harry had just roundhouse kicked.

"Because Ron your supposed to be a ninja/ pirate masquerading as a boy with a pirate outfit," Harry explained.

"Yeah I know but I think the invisibility cloak gives you an unfair advantage," Ron tried to appeal to his leader.

"Ron, that's because I'm a ninja masquerading as another ninja with pirate abilities."

"Why can't I be the ninja? Can I at least have the parrot?"

"Did you not hear what I just said? You're also a ninja. It's not my fault you have to masquerade as a you can't have Mr. Snuffilkins!!"

"How about the dust bunny?"

"Ron!!!!"

*ATTACK*

Ron doesn't even see Harry coming as the sneak attack continues the raging battle.

************************************************************************

**AN: Thanks for waiting on us to stop procrastinating and write another chapter. School has started back up which is an acceptable excuse….sorta. =P **

**It would appear that we found the plot bunny. It is now the avatar of .Will.'s profile. It 'twas hand drawn and amazing, if we do say so ourselves. (Tries to deflate LBW's ego with a pin (from my voodoo kit, themoonismyfriend should get that reference)) **

**On a happier note, thanks for reading, we 3 you guys. Please, for the sake of our sanity, review. It makes LBW feel better about herself. (nice third person)**

**.Will: You guys are awesome. **

**This Losing: Review please :) **


End file.
